You take me the way I am.

I always complain a lot, and I apologize for that. I feel as though it's because I don't have anywhere else I can complain and the fact that I am merely writing to the internet in a blog that no one reads, it makes me feel accepted. There is no judgment in this place, and that is a beautiful thing.

I try to complain to my mother, but I always feel as though I'm fighting some battle. I'm not allowed to let little things get to me and, if I do, I get yelled at or I get the exasperated sigh. I understand she just wants me to be happy, and I love her for that, but sometimes I really just need someone to listen to me. It's hard when you vent to friends too because they always want to vent back and honestly, sometimes, you just need your moment to completely let everything off my chest.

And as you, inanimate internet my dear friend, take me the way I am, I'm choosing you as my word vomit target.

I'm a bit stressed out right now. I'm going to hand in my final plan of study and an honors course conversion sheet in a bit. It's all so overwhelming, that is really the end of it all. Well, not exactly, it's really the end of the beginning part of my life. There's so much more left. But I feel as though college has been so transformative and safe. I'm just so terrified to leave.

In college, I've been in treatment twice, dumped twice, loaded up on medications, judged, talked about, insulted, treated cruelly, and yet I've developed into someone I never thought I would ever be. I'm a happy lumberjill instead of the sad fashionista I was when I started. There is nothing wrong with this. College has changed me.

But when I started college, I was in love. I thought I had my soulmate. And then tragedy and bam, can you really have a soulmate? I started thinking marriage was the ultimate goal, but now I'm not sure if I want to be married. I want to be with someone, I don't want to be alone, that's the goal. But marriage isn't the win-all fix-it solution.

So much has changed. I'm not even sure who I am anymore. But I want someone to look at me and think, "You are absolutely perfect. I wouldn't change you for anything." It's cliche, but it's true. That's all anyone wants, really, is for someone to think that they are perfect. To take them the way they are.