Who I am.

I feel as thought no one is this world can ever truly be capable of embracing exactly who they are. Other people influence us, how we want to be perceived influences us, and what we truly consider to be us is always changing. I know that I always want to come across as cool and collected and beautiful and smart. But what I have to remember that I look like a fool when I pretend to be someone who I am not. I also need to remember that I am more than my body, which I think is sometimes a big issue that I have.

So here is this post, I am trying a new exercise, to pinpoint things about me that make up who I am. I'm sure I won't get everything right, but I'm just brainstorming. I want to try to remember who I am and to be myself and remember how awesome that is of me.

So.

I am going to start with just a very few amount of things that irritate me because too often, I'm afraid to actually say, oh that pisses me off cut it out, because I don't want to upset anyone. But some things just really bug me.

• Poor grammar and spelling. Did you not go to elementary school? Their, there, they're. Loose, lose. Your, you're.  I just want to hit all of you.
• Bragging about how much you drank. Grow up, bro.
• People who really judge people on what they're wearing. Obviously I do it, but Uggs really are really comfy. And northface jackets are warm and not huge.

Also, I don't really pay attention to sports. It's not that they aren't necessarily fun to watch, but with things like basketball and football, I just get so bored. I want to like football, I do, and I've pretended to for boys, but I'm not going to do that anymore. I'll admit it, I only like Boston teams because that's what I grew up around. And, honestly, the Yankees kind of creep me out. Baseball I like, hockey I like, soccer I like, basketball I hate.

I like babies. Babies are cute. I want to have a baby someday. I like little kids. I think they're adorable. I'm not going to skirt around that. I want a baby in like six years sooo babies are fucking adorable.

I have the imagination of a five year old and occasionally I get carried away. I imagine these awesome futures for me, mostly involving Prince Charming and happily ever after. I believe in fairy tales. I want to get my own happy ending and I'm not going to say I don't like men, or I don't trust men, or I don't believe in marriage, because none of that is true.

I don't think I'm pretty, usually. I'm not saying that so people will tell me I'm pretty; I actually get really uncomfortable accepting compliments.

I externalize sometimes, but typically I internalize. I feel like the externalization is an attempt of mine to not internalize. I can't seem to find a happy medium.

If I like someone, I typically don't want to make the first move.

I'm fairly compassionate. I put other people's needs above my own and when I make fun of someone, I tend to feel bad. I feel as though I come off selfish sometimes though.

I'm smart. I don't have a ton of motivation or concentration but I am smart. I'm in school on scholarship and I'm in the honors program and I'm Good Standing on my degree.

I would make a damn good girlfriend. I like to cook, clean, buy presents, and do other things... and I like cool boyish stuff. I'm not good at video games, but they're fun. And I like all those crazy action movies. I'm cool, man. People should really date me more.

I have an eating disorder. Surprise! But it isn't my life.

I dunno... I'm bad at this.