Okay, so I don't know why, but all of a sudden there's a thousand things going on in my mind that are pissing me off. So here I go. Enjoy.
Eating disorders are not something to be made fun of. EVER. Demi Lovato posted something about how the Disney channel was poking fun at them and in a way making them seem acceptable. They are the most deadly of the mental disorders. They kill way too many people each year. They are not something that people choose to have, they are not something that people should ever want to have, and they are never ever something that you are allowed to insult. Do not give people the idea that that is ever acceptable. Also, don't discuss them so nonchalantly on your television show. Little girls, and boys, should not think that it's okay not to eat, that it's better not to eat and to be skinny. That is not what an eating disorder is. It is the loss of control that one feels in his or her life that leads them to starving themselves or purging or bingeing or over exercising or whatever. It is a miserable horrible disease and you should respect that.
Also, there is no eating disorder that is better than the other. Never be grateful that you only suffer in one way. And never insult someone by saying that anorexia is glamorous or okay, but bulimia is just disgusting and stupid. Like... seriously, bro? Coming from someone who has done pretty much everything you could do, none of them are better than the other. Either way, you're tired, weak, guilty, depressed, lonely, a liar, feeling disgusting, what have you. None of them are good, none of them are glamorous, and none of them are good for you. You will not feel good no matter what. You will hate yourself even more.
And fuck you who thinks you can judge me for this. You try to spend a day in my brain and see if you can handle it. I am a strong individual. You don't even know everything I've been through. There are people out there who have it way worse off than I do, oh absolutely, and they can handle it like a champ. But something is wrong in my brain that doesn't know how to handle stress or fear or loss or any emotion so I have come to this. Looking in the mirror hurts me. Pictures hurt me. Yet, oh hi, here I am. I am still standing because I am beating this. So don't judge me for my past because you don't understand it, because you didn't live it, because you don't know. You don't know. I need the reminders on my bedroom wall every day to tell me I'm worth it so don't call me weird because of them. Realize that I am doing what I need to do to stay strong and stay out of the hospital.
I know this is not my most eloquent post or anything like that, but I am just so sick of people looking at eating disorders in such a negative judgmental light. It's not like other addictions. You can't just remove the food like you can the drugs or the alcohol. You can't just remove the pain. It's hard to embrace difficult emotions and it's hard to stop once you've started. It's hard to learn to love and appreciate yourself when everything that has happened to you makes you feel like you don't deserve that. But you know what makes it harder? When people make us feel like shit for having this problem.
So shove off and love us.
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