I'm feeling a bit unattractive at the moment, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that I didn't shower this morning and the only makeup I'm wearing is mascara. It has to do with the way I feel like boys treat me. I know this shouldn't matter but it does.
I have friends who boys always talk to and always want to date. I'm sure it gets extremely old, especially when you really don't like someone and you wish that people would just be your friends. However, for me, it's unreal that that happens. Not every body I meet wants to date me. Some of them just want to sleep with me and treat me like shit. Other boys just want to be friends, and I feel like that's what I am. The eternal friend. I don't get drinks bought for me, I don't get hit on... these things don't happen.
I like to pretend it's because I'm tall and wicked gorgeous and intimidating, but I wish I was tiny and cute so that boys would hit on me, at least once in a while.
I really know that I should not base my attractiveness on men or other people's perceptions. It's very difficult not to, however, when I feel so completely repulsive. I think I'm a smart person and I'm funny and I am pretty, dammit. I'm sorry that I'm not slutty, and I'm sorry that I'm not just adorable or giggly or flirty. I don't do those things. And I really wish just being me was enough.
It gets lonely when no one wants you.
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