I can't seem to stop thinking about when I was really sick. It's twisting my brain, and I'm starting to miss it. I cannot miss that time in my life. I had sores around my puffy lips, sickly pale skin, no muscles, and a terrifying weakness. Do you know what it's like to have memories of a time when your whole entire world was completely crumbling and you were lying to everyone, especially yourself? It's scary to remember a time when I almost died because I was too blind to notice that I was extremely sick. I'm not even sure how I got to that place so quickly. I just told myself to do it and I did. I should be happy and proud that I don't have - that ED doesn't have - that kind of control over my mind anymore and yet, I feel weak.
It was so noticeable. I was so scared and I was so stupid. It was all I had and I was miserable.
Why would I want that back?
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