Fat is a feeling.

I am feeling incredibly fat. I know I'm not fat, but I feel it. I'm hating this feeling. I want to stay positive for everyone, I really do. I want the people who read this to know that I am trying and that I can be positive, but today I honestly can't think of anything. I feel full and my jeans feel tight and my stomach looks huge. It's driving me insane.

I want nothing more to be fragile and thin. I don't know why. I'm a physically able and strong woman. I have beautiful feminine assets. Yet I don't want that. It almost seems more feminine to be tiny, which is ridiculous. Being tiny is more childish. My curves, my boobs, my hips, even my tummy... are more feminine and beautiful. I should recognize that. I should appreciate that.

But I can't, because instead I merely feel fat. It's not as if boys are ever interested in me. If they are, it doesn't last long or they really only want one thing. I'm the spare at the bar. If they had a wingman, he would distract me from my hot friend. That's just the way it is. There is nothing appealing or alluring about it.

I'm digressing. And I'm being way too negative. I'm trying, I swear I am; it's just really difficult today. There's all this food at work, which I ate a ton of. I haven't run in ages. Emerald Ball is coming up and I'm freaking out about how I'll look in my dress.

It's just too much pressure and too much to bear.